I have a lot going on my children, career, health, hobbies, family……. and the stresses I can receive from these ‘things’ even down to exercise, getting to an appointment/school on time routine, getting out the door in the morning stress, can and most certainly will take the love out of it for some of us. Stress can affect me more some days than other day’s, being human I can misunderstand these stresses and pressures of everyday life, it can also push us couples to act unreasonably toward one another, but it all stems from those built up pressures of the daily grind. As hard as it is to find deep down, we all do our best to get through with love and human compassion, it’s a tough gig!
I’ve reflected a lot on my own relationship, Tim and I have nearly been together seven years, we meet in our late 20s he asked me over the phone if I wanted to be in a long-term relationship if not then it simply wasn’t what he was looking for, a casual thing. I wanted a long term relationship I was sick of meeting losers that really weren’t interested in me but something else!!! I knew I needed to make a decision little did I know would change my life so positively! We spent every moment together after that…. mostly. He didn’t have much when I meet him he gave all his possessions up to his ex-girlfriend who was more trouble than her worth, so he was starting over just like me I also had given up a lot, we both just wanted to feel loved and appreciated by another (heart flutters), the start of a beautiful relationship, he’s my soul mate, best friend and father to our adorable young boys.
I lived in my own place one promise I made to myself after ending a long dramatic relationship, was to live alone and get to know myself again (it didn’t last for long) upon meeting Tim, we spent time working on our flaws whether it was crazy nights out together or through battling each other challenging each other a lot this lead us to fall harder in love, learn and adjust we had some really difficult times, losing two pregnancy’s, differences, unresolved family disputes, commitments and just coping with changes and this you see is what made me and Tim stronger and having our two beautiful boys Jay and Koby have been the glue to cement our relationship I don’t see us ever being apart.
Love isn’t always about romance, but it comes in many forms as we perceive it, we all receive and give love in so many ways to so many different people in our lives. And I think we can all agree we all need love. It’s necessary to having a happy life. Since I have love on my mind these days, I thought today we could discuss a few thoughts on the subject. Here are a few things I feel strongly about, and I’d love to hear your thoughts as well.
1. First, you must love yourself.
We all come from different backgrounds. Some of us grew up in a loving and encouraging family, and some of us didn’t. We’ve probably all had a relationship in our lives that has left us feeling hurt. You can’t control your outside circumstances. I wish we could. What you can control is your own choices. It can be hard to love when you feel broken. If you don’t come to any relationship (romantic, friendship, family) whole, you end up asking others to fill in the broken pieces or shutting them out completely. You first must love yourself. Then, you can offer relationships your strengths rather than looking to them to fix your weaknesses. We all have the power to make this decision no matter what hand life has dealt us.
2. Be someone you would love.
It is always easier to blame others. Always. What’s hard is looking to yourself and realizing that maybe it’s you who needs to change. Before you have amazing relationships, you have to be someone you would love. Be the mother you would want. Be the girlfriend you would fall in love with. This is a lifelong process the important people in your life will help you with if you are open to it. Stop focusing on others’ shortcomings so much and instead work on yourself.
Don’t hold back. Don’t hold grudges. Go all in. We’ve probably all been hurt before, and I’m not saying we should ignore those situations. But. Don’t let past hurts prevent you from making new relationships or falling in love. This almost happened to me. I was hurt and felt justified in my unwillingness to forgive even though my circumstances had changed. And this attitude nearly prevented me from meeting my future husband. Don’t be afraid to love deeply. It can be scary to depend on anyone. Be open. Be brave.
4. Choose your important relationships.
I truly believe that we should love everyone. An attitude of love to your fellow citizens is a great way to live your life. Can you imagine what the world would be like if everyone did this? However, this does not mean that you should open yourself up to being hurt repeatedly. Choose the people who you cultivate important relationships with. If someone has continually been a negative influence in your life, or doesn’t treat you the way you deserve, then they should not receive the privilege of being one of your close relationships. Focus on the positive influences in your life. Love them deeply (see point 3).
5. Love is work.
Every important relationship in your life requires attention for it to grow. It is easy to get busy with your life, with careers, goals, studies whatever you are passionate about and not focus on cultivating the love in your life. I should get dinner with my parents more often. I should get coffee with my sister more see my nieces and nephews more. I should find more ways to show Tim I love him more often. If you neglect any relationship it will decline over time. I’ve had many friends over the years that I’ve sort of drifted apart from simply because I didn’t make time for them or vice versa. Being a giving and loving person takes a lot of intentional effort.
And that’s something that I’m working on this every day, month and year give that person a call, tell your partner you love them even if you cant stand them, just be kind and the universe will shine some positive light on your day no matter how your feeling.
Any thoughts on love you’d like to share?
I would love to hear your thoughts and see your comments on the subject of relationships and love